Achieving True Forgiveness from the Heart

HEALING OF THE SOUL AND SPIRIT OF MAN SERIES 004- ACHIEVING TRUE FORGIVENESS FROM THE HEART
“….And forgive us our debt, as we also have forgiven our debtors. “ MATTHEW 6:12, NAS
ACHIEVING TRUE FORGIVENESS
Is there someone in your life you have had trouble forgiving?
Forgiveness can be difficult, but…
The law of God mandates that we reap what we sow. Sow sin; reap death (relationships die). Sow forgiveness; reap life (relationships live). (For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23, NAS
Why do we reap death? : If we do not forgive, we are not forgiven.
For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:14 – 15, NAS
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your transgressions. Mark 11 :25 -26 NAS
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9, NAS
But it isn’t fair….
Many people scoff at the idea of forgiving, because they think it means they must:
Excuse the offense. They think forgiveness means the offender was not wrong and he is not accountable to anyone.
Actually when we forgive, we enable the offender to be held accountable: Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God.. Rom 12:19a NAS
Others feel that forgiving means that they have to Forget that the offense happened.
Nowhere in the scriptures does it say we must forget
Others feel that to truly forgive they must Deny their hurt or anger they feel thus making forgiveness almost impossible
The Psalmists did not deny what they felt (see Pslams 55, 88), yet they forgave.
Still others feel that forgiveness means Trusting the offender, and let him hurt them again.
David forgave Saul, but he did not trust him ( 1Sam 26:21,25)
When should we restore close contact?
When it is wise to do so. Disern when you can trust. Is the offender willing to stop offending? Talk things out? Take steps to heal the wound inflicted on you?
Remember :- It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

But if I give up my resentment…….
I will have nothing left to defend myself!
When our hearts insist others owe us, we remain in bondage to reaping from bitter roots, and to feelings of hurt and anger.
If we cannot surrender our “right” to demand that an offender pay us back, we need to ask, “why can’t I trust God to bring justice?”
Forgiveness is :
Greek – aphiemi – to remit a punishment or cancel a debt – a work of God’s grace.
….Some people insist that they have forgiven….
But Jesus said, A tree is known by its fruit Matthew 12:33 NAS. Where there is fruit of unforgiveness there is unforgiveness.
Why is it hard for some people to remember where unforgiveness began? As children, they thought forgiveness was:
Minimizing (it is ok / it is not so bad)
Justifying
Rationalizing that treatment was normal; convincing themselves it didn’t hurt
Offering understanding without accountability
Taking blame for the parents (or others) actions
Forgetting what others have done to them
By all these means, they have convinced themselves that others had done no wrong, and that there was , therefore , nothing to forgive.
When people finally realize they do need to forgive:
They ask, “How can I forgive if I can’t stop feeling angry?”
Forgiveness is not the cessation of anger. It is choosing to give assent to Christ work on the cross (….count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:11b, NIV
After the cross does its work, there is nothing is left to produce new anger. Residual anger will eventually dissipate.
“How do I forgive if I don’t feel angry?”
It is preferable to get in touch with the anger we’ve suppressed before we forgive. But if we cannot, we can still forgive.
Sometimes the act of forgiving makes the anger surface.
“Why do I still feel angry after I have prayed to forgive ?”
This may indicate there is another aspect of the same issue yet to be forgiven
Or it may mean that you need to process the feelings before letting them go.
How can I forgive if I realize that my parents really weren’t guilty? Shouldn’t I just declare them innocent?
Forgiveness is not always about guilt. Sometimes it is merely a way to remove our own resentment (if your child accidentally steps on his brother’s toe, don’t you have him apologize? And don’t you have his brother say, “ I forgive you?”)
Pray the Gethsemane prayer
In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus entered into prayer, identifying with those who hated Him.
Our prayers should be something like : “Lord , in compassion, identify me with the heart of my offender, with is hurts and wounds. Bring to death in me that which would declare him as sinful and me as righteous. I am not better than him. I am one with him at the foot of the cross. I cry out , “Forgive us!” Set us free from the traps of hate. End all pride and self- righteous in both of us. Enable me to identify with the person You created him to be. Restore Us Oh Lord”.
Because Jesus is fully God and fully human. He took all sins into His body “ He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2Corinthians 5:21 NAS
On the cross, Christ prayed a prayer of intercession, Father forgive them….. Luke 23:34b
Likewise when we pray to forgive, this is a prayer of intercession.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
The Prayer ministers role
To lead in seeking out and confessing resentment held in the heart.
“ Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. James 5:16
To lead in expressing forgiveness
To offer assurance of forgiveness
“Then he breathed on them and said , “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” John 20:22-23
Some people feel the need to forgive God. Of course , God needs no forgiving! For such persons, “forgive “ means to let go of a falsely perceived issue
“Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ…. We beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 2 Corinthians 5:18-20, NAS
Pray blessing on the offender
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and curse not…. If your enemy is hungry, feed him. And if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head….. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:14, 20-21 NAS

How do I know I have fully forgiven?
Do I have strong emotional reactions when I see the person who hurt me?
Do I want relationship (if this is wise). Or do I try to avoid the person?
Do I still rehearse “speeches” I’d like to deliver?
Do I imagine ways of getting revenge?
Can I sincerely bless this person?
Do I honestly rejoice when good things happen for him?
RECONCILE :- This is the ultimate goal of inner healing (2 Cor 5:18 , Mal 4:5,6 , Mt. 17:11) …… How will you apply the healing you have received? Change your attitude towards the offender – Reconcile ; Apologize ; make restitution ; express forgiveness ; bless ; listen to what God tells you to do ; bring healing to others