Month: May 2020

JESUS LOVES MUSLIMS TOO – SERIES 001 :- UNDERSTANDING THE ORIGIN OF ISLAM
Islam is the second largest religion in the world after Christianity, with about two billion Muslims worldwide. Scholars date the creation of Islam to the 7th Century, making it the youngest major The Muslim calendar is different from our Gregorian calendar. It is a lunar calendar while the Gregorian one is a solar based calendar. It commemorates an important event when an arabic religious reformer successful escaped from Mecca to Medina in 622 A.D. and it is known as hijra{also spelled Hegira or Hijra}.Hijra marks the beginning of the Islamic calendar. Thus the letters A. H. are abbreviation for anno hijra, which means “ in the year of the escape”.
So currently our calendar reads A.D. 2020 the Muslim calendar is A.H 1440. The Arab religious reformer was called Muhammad who was born in A.D. 570, and the escape was from the city of Mecca to to the town of Yathrib.
The Ancestry of the Arab People
A recent genetic study shows that many Arabs and Jewish are closely related. More than 70% of Jewish men and half of the Arabs men whose DNA was studied inherited their Y chromosomes from the same paternal ancestors who lived in the region within the last few thousand years.(reported by Ann Gibbons-Science Magazine). The Arab people can trace their ancestry to the second son of Noah – Shem. Hence are semetic like the Jews. According to Genesis 10:25 and 1CHRONICLES 1:19 , the semetic people developed into two major races from the seed of Eber. Jocktan became the father of the Arab people, and peleg became the father of the Hebrew people. Their commom lineage resulted in many similarities between the Arab culture and the Hebrew culture.
Abraham was a Hebrew who descended from Peleg: however, his descendents took on different identities because he had several wives. His children through Sarah became Hebrews. The bible notes that before Sarah gave birth to Isaac, she gave her Egyptian maidservant, Hagar , to Abraham in order to produce a son.
After Sarah’s death , Abraham took another wife whose name was Keturah (Genesis 25:1). Keturah’s descendants became known as Keturahite Arabs. While they did not come from the pure line of Joktan, they gradually adopted Arabic culture and language. Jethro , Moses father in law who helps his, son in law, to manage and lead the nation of Israel in the desert (Exodus 18), is actually from the lineage of Abraham’s wife Keturah. Jethro in Islam is known as prophet Shu’ayb. It is apparent that the Arab Jethro and the Hebrew Moses worshipped the same eternal God. Abraham apparently taught all the members of his family about one true God. Sarah’s maid Hagar , bore Abraham his first born son Ishmael who is also an ancestor of the Arabs. Hence it is historically true to say that Arabs and the Hebrew people are closely related.
The Arabs of the sixth and seventh centuries believed that Ishmael married a female descendant of Joktan whom Muslims know as Kahtan. Thus he married into pure Arab Race. The Arabs became the nomadic tribes in North Arabia. The tribe of the Quraysh became prominent by the sixth century and established permanent settlements in Mecca. The Quraysh tribe traces its ancestry back to Nabaioth , one of the twelve sons of Ishmael, and it featured two major clans: the Umayyad clan and the Hashemite clan. Prophet Mohammed was a Hashemite.
THE RELIGION OF THE ANCIENT ARAB PEOPLE
Religion in pre-Islamic Arabia included indigenous animistic{the worldview that non-human entities(animals, plants and inanimate object or phenomena)posses a spiritual essence; often practiced by tribal groups before organized religion} – polytheistic beliefs, as well as Christianity , Judaism, Mandaeism and Iranian religions of Zoroatrianism Mithraism, and Manichaeism. Most likely the early descendants of Ishmael knew about the one true God of Abraham; however similarly to what happened to the Israelites of old, the Arabs descendants of Ishmael began to practice idolatry(The worship of an idol or a physical object, such as a cult image, as a god). By the sixth century A. D . Mecca became a center of idolatrous worship. The main religious ritual focused on the sacrifice of animals to their idols. Arab polytheism was based on the belief in dieties and other supernatural beings such as djinn.(water spirits). Local shrines and the Kaaba were places where the gods and goddesses were worshipped.
According to tradition, these Arabs had a faint knowledge about a Supreme Being named Allah. However the true knowledge of this Supreme Being was lost over time, and the early Arabs instead worshipped their idols as their mediators with Him. The Quran , the sacred scriptures of Muslims, mentions three idols by name. They are Al –Lat, Al –Uzza and Manat. Pagan Arabs didn’t believe in resurrection and the hereafter; instead, they used these pilgrimages to indulge in the carnal pleasures of life before their deaths.
The Hashemite Clan became the custodians of the kaaba (the black stone ), while the Umayyad clan became the ruling class of the Quraysh. When prophet Mohammed was still growing up, Mecca was a centre of commerce apart from the rappant idolatry.

TRADE
The Arabian peninsula trade route was also referred to as the “incense trade route”. It included a network of major ancient land and sea trading routes linking the mediteerranean world with eastern and southern sources of incense,spices,and other luxury goods, stretching from Mediterranean ports across the Levant and Egypt through Northeastern Africa and Arabia to India and beyond. World merchants had established trade routes between Europe and China. Goods were moved from Europe eastwards over the Mediterranean Sea to the great commercial city of Damascus (ancient Dimashq). Then caravans carried the goods overland through Iraq (Babylon) and Iran (Persia) over the trade routes of the silk road that led into China.
The silk road trade became a source of great financial gain; so , whoever controlled the trade routes became wealthy and powerful. During the sixth century, two great empires fought for control of these trade routes. One was the Christian Byzantine Empire that was from Constantinople, Turkey, and the other was the Persian Sassanian Empire that was ruled from Ctesiphon Iraq.
This fighting disrupted trade between Damascus and the East; as a result, the trade routes shifted southward to the Arabian peninsula. Caravans stopped on their way at the water holes of Yathrib and again in the city of Mecca before proceeding to the ports on the Arabian Sea. From these ports, merchants shipped their goods to the East.
As a result the Umayyads gained a source of financial revenue. Initially Mecca was the Arabian centre of pilgrimage, but later it grew into a commercial centre. Its merchants hired people to lead the camel caravans, one of whom was Muhammad.
THE MISSION OF PROPHET MOHAMMAD
Muhammad was born in A.D. 570. Unfortunately , his father died before he was born and his mother died shortly after. It was his uncle Abu Talib , who raised him as a young boy. Abu Talib had a son named Ali, and in time Ali and Mohammad became close friends.
As a young man, Muhammad worked for a widow woman named Khadijah who owned a trade business. Khadijah became so impressed with Muhammad that she married him. For the next twenty five years she was Mohammad only wife. Khadijah bore Muhammad four daughters and one son who died in infancy. Two of the daughters, Fatima and Ruqayyah, became important in the early Muslim community, as we shall see.
While Muhammad worked for Khadijah, he travelled up and down the Arabian Peninsula. It is interesting to note that Jewish communities existed near Yathrib and Christian communities existed in Damascus in the north and Sana in the South. Christianity was also dominant in the Ethiopia and its influence spread into southern Arabia.
It appears that Muhammad learned about the teachings of the Jews and Christians. According to Islamic tradition, this knowledge caused Muhammad to become deeply disturbed about the pagan practices of his own Arab community. As a result , he periodically spent time in a cave near Mecca to meditate.One day he had a mystical spiritual experience that marked the beginning of his mission. This mission dramatically changed the Arabian peninsula and the entire world.
According to Islamic tradition, Muhammed’s mystical experience occurred in the year A.D 610 in a cave located in the hills of Mt. Hira outside Mecca. As Muhammed meditated, a voice suddenly spoke to him saying , “Recite!” The voice added “Recite in the name of the Lord who created…..” . The voice went on to say “ O Muhammad you are the messenger of God and I am Gabriel.” As Mohammed looked up he saw an angel in the form of a man.
Muhammed immediately went home to tell Khadijah what had happened. Khadijah then took him to her Christian Cousin Waraqah, who was acquainted with the scriptures of the Jews and Christians. After hearing Muhammed’s experience , Waraqah assured him that his experience was from God. He added that just as God called Moses to lead the Hebrew people out of idolatry. He was now calling Muhammed to lead the Arab people out of idolatry.
With Waraqah’s encouragement, Muhammad resumed his periodic meditation in the cave, where he continued to receive revelations from Gabriel. According to Muhammed this revelations came to him at different times and in different places for the next twenty – two years. After the first three years of these revelations ,Muhammed came to understand his mission. According to the Quran, God commissioned him to do the following:
To bear witness that the supreme God called Allah was the only God. There was no other God in the universe. Furthermore , humankind must worship this one true God and submit to His will.
To bear the good news that those who worship Allah alone receive a reward. Allah will raise from the dead and admit them into a heavenly paradise.
To warn his people that Allah would punish those who refused to worship Him. Allah would raise them also from the dead, but He would cast them into a terrible place of fire and eternal torment.
Mohammed as a lamp was to bear the light of Allah. This meant he would preach the revelation of Allah as guidance for humankind.

So Mohammed began to preach his message publicly to the Arabs in about 613 A.D., declaring that Allah was the only God worthy of worship. He insisted that his fellow Meccans must discontinue their idolatry and he tried to convince them about the resurrection. He also sternly warned them that Allah would punish them if they rejected his message.

The Meccans mocked him and called him a madman, but he persisted with His preaching. Gradually , more people became his followers and this angered the Meccans; so they began to persecute him and his followers. When the situation became desperate, Muhammed advised some of his followers to emigrate to Abyssinia,(where Christians treated them kindly). The situation in Mecca worsened.

One day during the pagan pilgrimage ceremonies, some Arabs from Yathrib came to mecca in search of Muhammed. Since they Had heard some Jews talking about a prophet who someday would come to restore God’s laws. They were curious about Muhammed; so they invited him to Yathrib. Mahammed accepted their invitation and established a strong relationship with them. Some of them became his followers and offered to help him.

While still in Mecca , Mohammed learned of a plot to kill him. So first he instructed his followers in Mecca to leave for Yathrib, and then he planned his escape. Under the cover of darkness he fled to Yathrib. In A.D. 622. Muhammed arrived safely in Yathrib to the joyous welcome of his followers. His successful escape became known as the hijra. It marked the beginning of the muslim calendar. It also marked the beginning of a unified Muslim community under the full leadership of its prophet. Prophet Muhammeds status drastically changed when he moved to Yathrib, from that of a religious preacher who warned Meccans of danger of rejecting Allah’s message to that of being a being a respected religious statesman who instituted laws to bring about social reformation. Since Prophet Muhammed became the central figure of Yathrib, the city became known as “the city of the prophet”, (al-madina un-nabi). In time the city simply became known as Medina.

STRUGGLES TO VICTORY
When persection became extremely great against Muhammed, tradition indicates that he received a special revelation from God.This revelation gave him a divine warrant to attack the Meccans, who were now worthy of revenge because of their aggression against the religion of God and His chosen messenger. So in A.D. 624 , Muhammed gathered his men to attack a caravan en-route to Mecca – even though he and his followers were outnumbered three to one.

In spite of his smaller force, Muhammed and his men won a victory at a place called Badr and this victory increased Muahmmed’s popularity and religious credibility. Two years later , he engaged the Meccan forces at Mt. Uhud. Although Muhammed lost this battle, the Meccans were not able to destroy his following.

The Meccans decided to lead their army of ten – thousand men against Medina, but a deep trench prevented them from advancing into the city of Medina; however they led the city in siege. Then one night under the onslaught of a fierce sand storm, Meccan soldiers retreated to Mecca. Many Arabs interpreted this retreat as another miraculous victory for Muhammad.

In A.D 630 , Muhammad was able to raise an army of ten – thousand Arab supporters and march to Mecca. Realizing the hopelessness of their condition, the Meccans ceded the city to Muhammad, fearing fierce retribution and saughter; however in an act of diplomacy, Muhammad granted them amnesty, which won even more converts to his cause. Upon entering the city , Muhammad went directly to the Kaaba, where he destroyed all the idols. Then he declared the Kaaba to be the house of none other than Allah, the true God of Abraham.

With the fall of Mecca , more Arab tribes gave their support to Muhammed and embraced his religion. The religion became known as Islam, and those who submitted to this religion were known as Muslims.

The Early Rise Of Islam
After his victory over Mecca, Muhammad spent most of his time with the growing and flourishing Muslim community in Medina. There he administered social change according to the revelations he claimed to receive from God. Khadijah , died around this time; Ali married their married their daughter Fatima; and Muhammed married eleven more wives. Some of the marriages were politically motivated and were arranged to establish alliances with other Arabian tribes.

One of Muhammed’s wife was A’ishah. She was the daughter of Abu Bakr whom he had given to Muhammad as a gift shortly after Khadijah’s death. She became Muhammad favourite wife, ofcourse after Khadijah had died. However there was trouble brewing. Both Fatima and A’ishah began competiting for Muhammad’s favour and attention. This contention grew between them and become especially apparent at Muhammad’s death.

Muhammed died in 632 A.D. only two years after his victory over Mecca. According to tradition many muslims believed Muhammed died of food poisoned by a Jewish woman. (some Muslims reject this idea, insisting that Allah would never allow an enemy to harm or kill one of His prophets.) After Muhammeds death , the community faced a major problem: who would succeed Muhammad as leader of the believers?

Arab culture demanded that the community elders elect from among themselves the individual most worthy to rule. However some Muslims, led by Fatima, insisited that the next ruler be from Muhammad’s family because they wanted Ali, Fatima’s husband to rule. A’ishah who disliked Fatima, wanted her father, Abu Bakr, to rule. The Arab tradition prevailed and Abu Bakr became the next leaderof the Muslim community. He bore the title ‘khalifa’.{ one who inherits authority to rule}
INFIGHTINGS WITHIN THE LEADERSHIP OF THE EARLY MUSLIM COMMUNITY
When Muhammad died , some of the Arab tribes that promised to follow him believed that his death released them from their oath of allegiance: as a result they reverted to their pagan religious practices. So Abu Bakr felt compelled to use military force to bring them back into the community of Islam. While Abu Bakr’s rule was cut short when he died unexpectedly two years later, under his leadership all of Arabia came under the banner of Islam.

Hostilities between the families of Fatima and A’ishah continued. The situation escalated when Fatima asked Abu Bakr for Muhammad’s property when he died, a request that Abu Bakr refused , asserting that the property of a prophet belongs to the religious community . Fatima died six months after six months after prophet Mohammed died and left Ali with two sons, Hasan and Husayn.

The Muslim community again faced the succession problem after Abu Bakr died. Ali was growing in influence and many felt that he should be the next khalifa, because he was the father to Muhammed’s grandsons. However Umar was elected with the elders according to Arabic culture.

Umar is credited with compling the Quran from the revelations that Muhammed received. He is also responsible for standardizing major Islamic practices.
After Umar the next Khalifa was Uthman . Who was the first Kalifa not from Muhammed Heshimite clan but from the Umayyad Clan. He standardized the Quran into an official text. He had more financial and political interest than religious interest, hence moving his administration to the more prosperous city of Damacus instead of Mecca. Many Muslims complained his lack of religious focus . On the other hand he is the one who instituted the Quran as the official Islamic text. Uthman ruled as khalifa for eleven years. Meanwhile Aishah(Muhammed wife) continue to grow influence in the upcoming Islamic community and because of the rivalry she arranged for Uthman to be assassinated.

Finally Ali became the fourth Kalifa. The first four rulers are known as the rightly guided ones by the Sunnis. The Shites however did not recognize the first three khalifas , they hold that Ali became their first legitimate ruler.

As we conclude that this teaching has given you a better understanding of Islam as a Christian so that you can better reach out with the love of Jesus Christ to your Muslim neighbor,friend and maybe even family without prejudice. May the Lord bless you as you shine forth His Love and share the good news.

Researched and Compiled by
Pst Willy Ochieng
Busia Lighthouse Church

Primary resource : Muslim Ministry in the African Context , by Harry Morin

Marriage from the rocks to The Rock – Series 001 The Opposing Forces To Your Marriage
IDENTIFYING THE ENEMIES OF YOUR MARRIAGE
SELFISHNESS
Unfortunately when most men and women enter into a relationship they ask the question “what’s in it for ME?”. That is the wrong question for a believer. Instead we should ask ourselves what I can give in this relationship. The best attitude as you enter into a relationship is to be selfless. If marriage is all about you, You will soon be drifting away from each other. The key is to surrender and to desire to serve one another. You must be willing to forgo what you think is rightfully yours. Are you willing to be the last in your marriage relationship? Then you will be able to move your marriage from the rocks to the Rock (Christ Jesus).

CASE STUDY; – Gabriel and Carol (not their real names) met after college. Gabriel worked with the government while Carol worked with a local NGO. Their friendship soon turned romantic and within three months they were married. All was well during the friendship, but things changed soon after their big wedding. Gabriel still wanted to “hangout” with his bachelor college friends at the local pub until late in the night while watching the latest premier league match. While Carol remained “home alone”, late into the night. Soon their relationship became rocky and the marriage deteriorated and after two years , Gabriel and Carol went their separate way.

Ephesians 5: 15 – 17 :- So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like these who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.
A Christian believer needs to be careful how they live but especially in a marriage we must be considerate of our partners needs. We must purpose to wisely and with love to meet their needs. We must be ready to go “an extra mile” for our partners to strengthen our marriages. You must be thoughtful. Small things matter in a marriage. Do not take things lightly, be sensitive to the needs of your wife or husband.
LACK OF COMMITMENT
Marriage is a covenant relationship.
CASE STUDY: – Owino came into the big city for the first time when he was enrolled at the University. It was a big change for him from his rural village. Being social and a quick learner he soon fitted into the ways of city life. He joined a big church and was able to use his gift and passion of playing the keyboard during the church worship services. He soon met and fell in love with Njeri. They went to see their pastor and shared about their new relationship. Everyone in church was excited and a committee to plan their wedding was formed. Unfortunately what Owino did not share with Njeri and the pastor was that while he was in form three he got Nafula pregnant (his high school girlfriend) . Although he was still in school the parents insisted that they get married in accordance to African customs and he support the unborn child. Nafula would continue living at her parent’s home under this arrangement until Owino completed his education. For a while he faithfully honored this arrangement, but they lost touch when he came into the city. All was well for several years after Owino and Njeri married. Until Nafula traced Owino and demanded him to honour their previous arrangement. He secretly did until his wedded wife found out and their marriage found itself on a very rocky path. Fortunately they searched for counsel from mature believers and their pastor who helped them restore their marriage, although it was a difficult path for them to follow. ( nb ;-all the characters mentioned are fictitious )
In our case study we find the brother with divided loyalty and commitment in his marriage, which is a common occurrence in many marriages. It may not be extreme like in our case study. Nevertheless marriage demands total commitment to your spouse above your job, ministry, parents, business. I once was leading a thriving Christian ministry, but the ministry became a strain in my young marriage. I was suddenly faced with a choice to continue this great ministry or work on my marriage that was suffering at that point. I am glad I chose my marriage above my ministry. Today, God has given a wonderful ministry and he also preserved my glorious marriage. I give the Lord all the glory and praise. My brother, my sister, it takes commitment to your spouse.
Genesis 2:24 ;- Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Naturally children are committed to their parents, but the above scriptures shows that at the point of marriage that commitment must shift to your spouse.
REBELLION (1SAM 15:23)
Today it is politically incorrect to use the word rebellion, rather we prefer to use more ‘appropriate terms’:- like independent minded or progressive. The truth of the matter is that God instituted marriage. He clearly gave leadership to Adam by creating him first (Genesis 2:18) and referred to Eve as Adam’s helpmate. So we can argue all the equality we want, but that does not move the family principals of God. The man is supposed to lead from the front. However the kind of leadership God delegated to man in the family is not egoistic or dictatorial. It is servant leadership that bears most of the weight in the marriage and the most responsibility for its sustenance. Paul compares the role of the husband to that of Christ to His Church.
EPHESIANS 5:22 – 25 :- For wives this means submit to your husbands as the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church .He is the Saviour of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands , this means love your wives , just as Christ loved church. He gave up his life for her.
The bible clearly instructs wives to submit to their husbands. Husbands are supposed to offer leadership in a marriage . This does not mean he dictates every decision. The couple are equal before God , but the man assumes the position of the captain of the ship . For harmony in the leadership of the marriage and home his wife supports and is active in the decision making process and agree by consensus there is no competition opposition or rebellion in the decisions agreed upon.
CASE STUDY :- Wairumu and Nduati have been happily married for ten years. God has blessed their marriage with three children, John, Praise and Nicholas. Wairumu is a banker with a multinational bank, while Nduati is a prominent businessman in town. All was well in their marriage until, Nduati’s business began to ‘slump’ because of the economic slowdown in the country. His business profits reduced to an all-time low. On the other hand the bank awarded Wairimu, the long awaited promotion to managerial level due to her long faithful service in the institution. You would expect things to be fine the marriage. Unfortunately the financial dynamics have shifted. Initially Nduati was the main bread winner in this family. All over sudden this responsibility has shifted to Wairimu and stress is beginning to show in her as her new responsibility is taking a heavy toll on her. The once submissive wife and mother is no longer willing to do budget like they did earlier in the marriage. She is not willing to explain all her expenditures to Nduati and he feels she is rebelling his leadership as a husband. Fortunately they pay a visit to their best couples (who are mature Christians) home who advise and pray with them and soon the situation improves. {nb:- all characters in the story are fictitious }

ANGER & VIOLENCE
Proverbs 15: 18 ‘A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife: but he that is slow to anger appeasth strife.
We encourage young people aspiring to marry to plan for a reasonable time of courtship. The reason is so they can get to learn about each other before the actual marriage. We advise that is better to break a courtship than a break a marriage.
The courtship period gives you an opportunity to check out for undesirable characters and habits that your future partner may have. If she does not keep time during the courtship, please do not expect her to keep time in the marriage. If he does not call regularly during the courtship, do not expect him to call regularly in the marriage. If he has a short temper and is violent during the courtship, he will be the same in the marriage. We all get angry once in a while, but we must be able to control and manage our anger. Unmanaged anger is destructive especially in a marriage situation and results to violence, injuries and sometimes fatalities. Most of the conflicts in marriage are due to uncontrolled anger. The bible says he that is slow to anger has the ability to appease strife. In today’s everyday language this means; he who can manage his anger, can also manage conflict. In marriage conflict is the norm. You must therefore be ready to manage it. The first step is the ability to manage your anger. Pst , Dr. Alfred Gitu who took me and my Wife Nancy through marital counseling over twenty years ago surprised us in our first session with him. He asked us, “have you ever been in a conflict before?” Desiring to look good and mature before our esteemed Pastor, both Nancy and I vehemently denied ever having to conflict during our courtship. We expected him to congratulate us for being such a wonderful couple. Instead he gave us a look of disappointment and said, “If you have never had a conflict, I don’t think you are ready for marriage, because in marriage you will have plenty of conflicts which you have to manage.” That was a turning point in our outlook of marriage and we have since proved that Pst. Gitu was right.
We have also discovered that when we manage our anger, eighty percent of the conflict is automatically managed. I also want to add that is not worth staying in an constantly abusive, violent marriage. It may be more appropriate to separate for a season as you both obtain godly counsel , prayer and healing.

ADULTERY
The sixth commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery”. (Exodus 20:13) This is the ultimate level of unfaithfulness in any marriage. God also takes this sin seriously. In the old covenant adultery was punishable by death. {Leviticus 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.}
Although the death is not executed physically under the new covenant, a spiritual death occurs to us when we engage in adultery. The marriage bed is sacred and must be kept holy. When we get involved sexually with someone who is not our wife or husband, we defile ourselves, our marriages and families and enter into a curse as believers. It much more worse for a Christian believer to be unfaithful in their marriage than a unbeliever. We are not exposing ourselves to venereal diseases like H.I.V AIDS and the shame that comes with the act , but we are also spiritually defiling the marriage covenant relationship that we are in and ultimately our relationship with God.
Case study: David and Susan{ not their real names} have been married for four years and are Christians. Before David got married he was involved in several short term relationships that were sexual. However after giving his life to Christ he decided to change his wild lifestyle and get married to a good church girl and settle down. Susan and David have had a fairly good relationship, although he has not been able to share his addiction to pornography with his wife Susan. On top of that they do not openly share sexual expectations with each other. Due to David pornographic problem, lately he has been feeling unfulfilled with ‘the bedroom act’. At the office, David has found himself closely attached to the girl with a “bad reputation” Clare. They have been spending long hours after work, at Clare’s request for counseling about her endless wild sexual escapades. During one of those time alone, David and Clare got themselves in a compromising situation and one thing led to another. It was too late when the realized they had committed adultery. Susan found out about it and instead of talking to her pastor or Christian counselor, she decided to take matters into her own hands revive a relationship with “an old flame”. Now there marriage has hit rock bottom and there is talk of separation and divorce.
Adultery is destructive and it has destroyed many marriages and lives. I pray that you do not become part of that statistic in Jesus Name.
FAILURE TO LEAVE AND CLEAVE
Genesis 2:24 ;- Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
When two people get into a marriage they must realize that they are coming from different and diverse backgrounds. Both parties must be willing to adjust from their former mindsets and lifestyle to together make their new home. Unfortunately that rarely happens. Many couples refuse to “come out from home”. They get into marriage but still want to do, think and relate the way they used to. They still want to relate to their parents and siblings the way the previously related. This situation results into conflict and can even break a marriage. If you are ready for marriage you must be willing to change. Especially for Africans who are closely connected to their extended families this becomes a major challenge. In Africa you still do not marry only a person, but the family and community he or she comes from. As much as there are some positive aspects to this, there must be some boundaries set up with the prospective in-laws for you to enjoy a healthy Christian marriage. The couple must be willing to leave their parents’ home and begin their new home.
Case Study: – Joseph and his brother Mark were brought up with their single mum. She worked hard to provide for them a comfortable childhood. By the time they became adults their family was very close. Joseph being the first born, unconsciously began to play the role of a surrogate father in order to his protect his younger brother and his single mother. These made him mature faster than his age. When he met Maggy their love quickly blossomed and was soon married. All was well until Maggy got concerned of the long phone conversation Joseph would have with his mother and younger brother who was still in college. Sometimes the phone calls came late the night. Maggy tried to talk to Joseph about this, to no avail. She therefore reacted by inviting her younger sister to their home to help her with house chores as she waited to join college. As she felt isolated by Joseph’s actions she also decided to get comfort and friendship from her sister. This further drove the couple apart, straining their relationship. Both Joseph and Maggy although married and living under one roof , were still in their respective parents homes. ( all characters in the above case study fictitious)
After leaving….. , the bible talks about cleaving …..The second bit of cleaving involves purposeful getting learn about your differences, similarities and ‘sticking it’ out together , no matter how hard it is and forging a new life and future together, committed to one another to the end by the grace of God.
POOR COMMUNICATION
Words are powerful. We must be careful how we use our words. Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. We must realize that our words have consequences especially in a marriage relationship. What we speak, where we speak, to whom we speak , when we speak and how we speak will ultimately determine if we communicate effectively and the success in our marriage. Communication is a major marriage breaker if used incorrectly and the reverse is true. Good communication establishes a strong marriage. To communicate properly in your marriage, it is important to note that men and women communicate differently. Women tend to be more emotional and detailed in their conversations compared to men who are generally more objective and ‘straight to the point’ in their communications. Women tend to talk more compared to men and have a stronger need to talk. Both couples should factor these facts for them to communicate amicably.
FAILURE TO TAKE UP RESPONSIBILITIES AND ROLES IN MARRIAGE
For marriage to work properly, both the man and woman must clearly understand their unique roles and responsibilities clearly. This is important, because as each individual comes into the marriage they have certain expectations they believe their partners will meet for them. These expectations may vary from one culture to another, however generally men are expected to be providers and protectors, while women are expected to be home makers and care givers especially for the children. With globalization and affirmative actions for women this roles are quickly shifting with the independent corporate woman emerging. Couples getting married today should factor in the emerging roles of especially women and agree on how they will navigate their roles and responsibilities. However, the more things change, the more things remain the same. Women will always expect their man to be provider and protector no matter how much she earns or her status in society, While men always expect their women to be caregivers and homemakers even when she is C.E.O or Prime Minster. When she comes back home she is just his wife and mother to her children and vice versa for the man.
BEDROOM PROBLEMS
We plan to have a full session later, but the most important thing when it comes to bedroom matters it is important to talk, be open and discuss your needs.
Genesis 2:25 :- And they were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed. Sex is beautiful, holy in marriage. Unfortunately some people come into the marriage with a negative attitude , due to their cultural or pre-marital sexual experience and this drastically affects sex and the general situation in the marriage. The bible says that Adam and Eve were naked and were not ashamed. Married couples need to borrow that philosophy when they do, bedroom matters will greatly improve.
POOR FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
We will take full session on this, but briefly it is important for the married couple to have a common account and budget for all their needs together.

Compiled by ,
Willy Ochieng
Senior Pastor
BUSIA LIGHTHOUSE CHURCH